Last year, I was reintroduced to several board games. 

Operation, Sorry and a few more.

I have always enjoyed games that interact with others, games that involve luck but also include a little tactic.

Simple and enjoyable, my son and I have been playing Snakes and Ladders.

Cue to my latest blog.

As I was explaining in My story, my narrative; after that relationship run; I decided to keep moving alone.

Leaving the past exactly where it is; behind.

 

Thing is.

The past shows up.

Seldomly yes; but still pops up in my current life.

In my Dm’s, in the gym, on my call list.

I won’t lie. 

Depending on the Exact.Precise.Moment: it can be tempting.

 

The Brat in my Brain shows up:

-“Alexa, we could hook up! Short thing.

A drink. A hug. Because Alexa! 

Like Drake says; “no new friends!“.

We can surely count on what we know – works.

Yup. Without having to interview or scout new potential. Come on! Easy peasy. Get some affection. Wouldn’t it be nice?“

 

Hold up. Did I just notice that thought?

I did.

Damn. 

My thoughts can go south real quick.

Level up Alex.  

 

Exactly like that game that my son and I enjoy; I know a precise move can lead me down the Snake;  to an undesired position. 

Past to Present? Nah.

And then I’ll have to climb my way back up.

Meaning.

The withdrawal. The avoided frequent contacts. The emotional distant steps. 

Those were hard.

I don’t want my life to be entangled with his anymore. 

No offense.

Still wishing him the best and I remain thankful for our time together. 

Although, I can’t act unknowingly. 

I must move with integrity and consciousness.

It can be easy to stay in what we know because it’s comfortable; although it can be wrong. 

I been there.  So, no judgement here.

For myself; I don’t want to slide down back to that familiar situation and time wasting pattern.

Please let me specify. 

I call this a time wasting reality because I tried. 

I invested.

I compromised and gave my best.

After all of it; I learned.

And I made a choice.

 

The temptation exists. I admit. My needs can press hard.

And he remains charming. Truth be told.

 

As my son tempers when his play forces him to slip down on the board – almost by the start box.

Alexa – I – me.

No need for the cries or the total replay because I know better.

No need to react to everything or dwell for too long.

Let’s roll my dice. Get another play.