I’d say I’m a humble individual.

But for the record: I’m fly, I’m a bad one and there ain’t many like me.

I’m modest. Don’t get me wrong.

It’s the truth though: my flyness doesn’t take away from anybody’s flyness.

We are all unique.

We are chosen in different ways.

And we are all loved. Thanks to the Above Power.

 

Right now for me is about self love and self observation.

Love yourself; but  also address yourself.

So I started with some positive affirmations and now; go.

I can look at my own toxicity. 

It’s my life so I hold the keys to most of my life developments.

I’m really trying to reflect and adjust.

What’s in my realm?  What am I nourishing? 

Let’s own my part.

My crops, my attention; aren’t exactly impeccable.

I’ve been cooking a soup of disappointments, of anger and bitterness.

I have it on low temp so it doesn’t spill out and make any visible messes.

So nobody see’s.

Although believe me, it messes me up.

 

After a long series of failed relationships, here I stand.

Alone.

Got one specific tattoo that tells a piece of a long story, got another situation calling my phone everyday and also; an upcoming divorce fact.

I be sippin on a cocktail of strong independence; mixed with an once of fast dismissal, a dozen fear of abandonment drops and many confused substances.

Straight talk about recently; this current gentleman, sure; he can feel good.

Although… I do not need him.

No.

He always says that my heart beats fire. Yes maybe; but I know that my heart can be cold as ice.

I swear, this whole contractive demeanor; it suits me like a glove. 

 

My awareness coughs.

Really, does it Alexa?

Arrrgh.

Ok.

I’m not sure if it does truly serves me. 

It does keeps me pushing though!

…. Okay. I think…

If it’s not top company, I should roll solo.

Hum. That sounds kinda dismissive.

But bae!

He’s the not one. Right?

Fudge no.

 

It can feel nice though. I like when he holds me.

Tempering my boil and taking deep breaths; it also feels uneasy; often.

I can observe he’s flawed patterns but I’ fair; I also see my bs.

My stubbornness, my pettiness and my insecurities.

I’m not sure why; but this particular relationship is quite mirroring.

This one, the other one; and before that!

Revealing ya, reproducing come on’.

Alexa.. we moving. Motioning!

The final result with every of my past romantic relationships, every single tentative I’ve invested; was ultimately separative.

All of em’. My love, my promises, my heart.

Clashed.

To pieces.

There’s always something.

Sure.

And at the core; I know; I’m the common factor.

Right.

With this precise one; it’s not exactly smooth, but with the previous one, it wasn’t neither.

I’ve never been in an abusive relationship or in a negative one.

Naaaah.

 

Although, that’s relative since; they all had an end.

End-Negatory.

Unfavorable.

Live on-Mandatory.

Truth be told; I feel like this particular liaison doesn’t hold much of a longevity promise.

Ahh!

Too bad.

Do I really care?

After all the heartbreaks; I’m still ok.

I’m surrounded by friends and family, health and daily pleasures.

I’ll take it for what it is.

I’m good.

 

Why do I feel so uneasy then?

I believe it’s my state of mind; or maybe it’s the period of my life.

Maybe this is wrong.

It’s probably not the best fit.

What I don’t change; I choose.

Knocking on the 40th door; my birthday is right around the corner.

Hahum.

Aren’t we supposed to have ourselves more together?

Or are we just more patched up?

This relationship band aid here, this leftover love bruise over there, my pride on my back, it seems like I still be carrying my own losses.

That’s confirmed.

Let me think.

Do I pack any authentic love dreams?
I might just live with: Real.Cynical.Remainder.Scraps. Forever.

That’s contradictive.

And another one.