It was a Saturday, little after the holidays. Laid back vibes, no rush and no big plans. 

I was enjoying the simple pace vibe and having a good time. 

I like it when we’re together: my son, a dear friend, her son and myself.

Late in the morning, they came over.

Embraces and kisses or squirms and whines: it’s all good, all love.

Life with kids, right?

We had lunch, played around and decided to go out for a stroll.

You know, to get some fresh air. 

-“Good idea!” my son exclaims.

Mittens, warm socks, scarves, yup – the whole shebang. 

Plus, snow pants for the young ones.

Ahhhh!

The hassle, the hustle, getting two infants dressed: is definitely muscle.

Check.

He’s good. He’s good too.

She’s tying her boots.

Ok.

Me?

Coat. Gloves.

My good socks are on. I’m standing beside my boots.

Oh.

Where’s my phone?

I push a few rushed steps around the house to locate it.

I pick it up.

7 missed notifications!?

Various messages. From a cousin.

We haven’t talked in months. What’s happening?

She doesn’t even live in the area.

I’m aware: this cousin lives a Very.Tested.Life. 

Health wise, relationship wise, family wise, whole life wide.

Since very young; she’s lives with a life threatening disease.

Plus, her direct family struggles with a variety of serious addictions; and she does too.

Yah. 

My family is kinda crazy.

Scratch that.

My family is crazy.

Even my Immediate.Nuclear.Bubble: Be Nuts. 

Different types of nuts exist: literally and figuratively.

I scroll through my phone and I notice the length of the vocal messages.

Seven minutes, two minutes, four minutes, more minutes.

What the fudge!

I can’t listen now.

These distressed fevers and urgent attempts crack my serene mindset: I’m worried now.

 If it’s not with my immediate relatives, I usually don’t experience much direct turbulence. So… what’s happening? 

-”Alexa, it’s really starting to get warm… can we go outside please?” demands my friend.

Damn. I got lost in thought.

-”Of course. Right. I’m sorry!” I answer while zipping up my boots.

I take the sleigh with us; my son likes making snow balls and stacks them inside. He also lifts them up and says he’s exercising.  It’s cute. You know: weight training. 

I lock the door and descend the stairs.

The fresh air pulls a refreshed energy on me, being outside feels nice.

It’s sky is clear, there’s no wind and no humidity. The weather is comfortable. 

Still, I’m drenched. A waterfall of thoughts transpires me. 

My fingers are cool and my forehead is sweaty.

This cousin is a little younger than me. She’s pretty, intelligent and resourceful.

Last time we were together: was during her monthly hospital stay about a year ago. 

We were just a short walk away. Staying at the Glenn center.

This health center holds different hospitals and medical institutions in one big location.

Adjacent to the hospital where my son was hospitalized for his cancer, she received care for her cystic fibrosis. On an uneventful afternoon, I stopped by to chit-chat.

Her health condition is very serious: visiting the hospital several days every month.

Her reality weighs a ton. Hence, I need and want to check in.

I should reach out, just a quick call to touch base.

As we walk on the sidewalk, my son is making snow balls and places them on the sleigh. At times, he tries to throw them on trees and buildings but it’s very challenging for him.

He can’t throw the snowball as far or as high as he aims. This quickly frustrates him.

-“Mommy, I throw on the tree?’

-“Sounds good but take a few steps closer. It will be easier!”

He doesn’t move but tosses his ball. It flops on the floor.

He’s upset.

Weights. Big or small.

As we experience life; we consistently learn how to manage them.

He squirms and selects another ball to throw; much larger this time.

-“It looks heavier.! You could break it up or make a smaller snowball?” I suggest.

-“Noooooo! I want this one!” he replies.

He catches up with my friend and chit-chats away.

I ask her if I can take a few minutes,  make an important call.

She kindly agrees so I slow down my walk.

I pull out my phone to call my cousin.

She answers right away.

-”Cous’? You ok? I didn’t listen to the messages. What’s happening?”

Her share is Loaded.Messy.AndAnxious.

She gives me a rapid synopsis of why she feels so poorly and she explains that she wants a second opinion: mine.

I try to reassure her and I ask her not to dwell on these feelings today.  Maybe turn on the television? Visit a friend?

I tell her she’s an amazing woman and remind her that she’s not alone.

– “I’m presently outside with my son and a friend.  I want to talk with you without being interrupted. Would it be okay for me to call you back this afternoon? ” I humbly demand.

She accepts and we hang up. 

I’m glad I got to hear her voice, I wanted a timely feel.

But I’m still concerned and quite uncomfortable with some of the family allegations she made. 

Plus, I feel pressed to call back. I know this next call might also bring more discomforts.

I Inhale. Exhale. 

That’s family right?

Alexa. 

Quick switch!

Back to mom/friend mode.

Shake it off. 

I pick up the pace and catch up with my friend. 

The snowballs placed in the sleigh don’t bother me at all. 

My cousin’s call feels much heavier.

Snow balls or family effects: they can definitely represent extra weight.

Alexa.

Be in the present moment.

I inhale. Exhale.

Dear God.

Thank you.

Healthy son. Healthy friend, healthy us.

Lord, please help everyone struggling.

It can be so hard down here.

Please help me cultivate more love.

Amen.