Wow. 

After reading this, I must admit: I feel like a hypocrite.

I know crying is healthy.

I believe that experiencing our emotions is a.required.progressive.movement. 

I talk the talk and walk the walk. don’t I?

I thought I did. 

On the journey in overcoming difficult energies and returning to a peaceful state, sometimes; cries and grieves, squirms and turns come with the required passage.

Hence, this cookie reminder makes feel like I’m two-faced.

Because if crying is normal, why did I hush my crying son earlier?

In my mind, he was crying: for no good reason. 

Silly things/achievable things and for reasons I don’t really comprehend.

A cry for his lost truck, another for an extra ice cream cone.

Really?

Some tears refusing the syringe required to get his routine blood work.

I guess.

But still not mandatory,

Do we need a good reason to cry?

I can hear myself articulate: 

-“Come on Baba. No need to cry, we’ve been through much worse. This is nothing!”

Silly me.

If crying is natural and healthy:  my ways are way hypocritical.

Let me drill my irony further: I remember recently sitting across a dear friend. 

I carefully listened while she poured out the floods of her distress.

I made a point to place my hand by her shoulders and to tell her that it’s ok for her to feel her emotions. 

I assure her that crying or feeling afraid, or anything else she feels: is.exactly.fine.

 

Pffff!

I’m an imposter. 

I wish to honor my son’s emotions, especially because he’s a male. 

Society sometimes brushes off a man’s emotional scope.

 

My son is brave.

And strong. 

I never thought otherwise.

Every single time we go back for to the hospital for a follow-up, he walks onto the oncology floor with his head high.

Hence, I did catch myself asking him not to cry for extra television time last night. 

 

Hmm, Hmm.

“Excuse me,…can I get your attention for a second?”

Ah!

My inner self lawyer.

She continues to express clearly:

-”Our son is 3. He doesn’t fully understand his emotions. He cries for all types of disappointments, confusions and conclusions. His cries are not always relevant and sometimes manipulative.”

Ah! Inner lawyer – I like you!

I’m not that insincere, right?

Still,  when I observe my thinking; I continually find different nuances or particular consensus.

It’s like, within myself: there’s one sentiment, one opinion and then another view.

It’s confusing.

It’s rarely truly steady.

I encourage the recognition of feelings. No doubt.

I often ask my husband to express and share how he feels.

Okay, right.

So, should I encourage each and every single sob my son has?

If I welcomed my friend’s demeanor; why did I want to halt my son’s tears?

 

All this “in-box” work, self-exploration of awareness and introspective analysis never truly ends.

It’s kinda exhausting.

And another one!

Cookie predicament.

To hush or to support my toddler’s cries?

I’m not sure.

On my way, everyday: I just try to be a better me. 

Thanks for following me along. 

#tohush’ornot