I know that the only real moment that I truly have; is the one here, the one that is; right now.

I sometimes idealize the next moment.

Other times, I reminisce about past ones.

Although fundamentally, I know this right here – this exact moment; is all that truly counts.

I’ve claimed this before; in my life; I’ve been around some rare and difficult blocks.

One block, two blocks, three blocks – more.

Priority change, perspective adjustment; an acquired habit and a true score.

It’s alright, I’m in a better spot now and; by far.

 

Not only have I experienced these hard realities, but I also have learned from them.

I’ve grown.

Adjusted.

When I started visiting the park with my toddler; I used to bring a bottle of water and a single snack. 

Quick enough; I realized that kids: are like pigeons.

Food? 

Once they perceive a possibility: they all move in the same direction. 

At full speed.

After feeling sorry that I didn’t come prepared once or twice and having to refuse sharing with the other pigeons… oh, sorry- I meant children; I now stack: snacks on snacks on snacks, in our park bag.

I experience, I understand, I recognize the pattern; so I then adjust.

Some situations; I don’t care to relive.

How I act and how I react, what I wish to create around me; justly guides me. 

I gotta stay tuned.

The adjusted pattern about the park reality is one thing.

In overview, many other heartfelt situations require piercing and sensitive adaptations.

Thankfully, I wake up morning after morning and I try to recognize life dynamics.

I don’t know about you, but for me; a big part of my learning journey is holding faith. I’ve been in dark and lonely, immensely heavy situations before.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it out; but I always did. 

So nowadays, when my life turns gloomy and gray; it feels hypocritical and phony for me to doubt that the sun will eventually return.

It will. I know.

No need to sit on a church bench to hold my faith.

After all my life storms; the future that developed was unimaginable and absolutely exceptional. 

I celebrated some amazing milestones, I spent some unbelievably delightful nights and days; it turned out just fine in the end.

Don’t get me wrong. 

Losses can be counted, trauma’s are carefully managed but more importantly;  gains and understandings are also cherished and valued.

Point is.

I can’t go back and act like I don’t know.

Because I know what I know today; I can’t question it that much.

It wouldn’t feel authentic or worthy of me to throw the towel, clench on victimized thoughts or not try my absolute best. Over and over. 

I must take some responsability. I can’t control other’s nor can I influence everything – but I must maintain my personnal awareness. Let go of some, tightly hold some more.

Uncomfortable times, costly decisions or disappointed hopes.

Those reocurring realities don’t get much easier to process. I must invest constant conscious efforts to manage my integrity. 

But faith holds a strong sense of security.

My faith secures my decisions and actions.

Because, this ain’t it.

My development continues.

Hardships, losses, joys and lessons.
Repeatedly. I’m still in life-training. 

Until the Universe decides otherwise; I’ll be here. 

Smiling. Tired sometimes. Greateful. Content and sad during others.

But I’m still kicking with faith.

I trust my journey, my Heavenly Guide; I can rely on the great universal power – up there somewhere. 

I’m not forgotten. I know.

It’s never perfect. 

I cultivate and neglect.

Repeat.

Neglect what is not positive, stay adamant about my learnings and listen to my intuitions.

Yah.

Those inner whispers.

Although I can’t point to them; they exist. I swear.

Most of life’s unquestionable forces are invisible.

So this moment now; is a little uncomfortable for me.

Sometimes I want to give in, or give up or not give a f***.

But – I shake it off with my faith.

I’m manifesting, I’m appreciative but simultaneously; I’m not questioning everything. 

I’m practicing steady faith, I’m holding a hopeful outlook, I’m committed to my experienced exercise.

Sitting in the windy rain or finding ourselves surrounded by a whiplashing tornado; none of it is exactly pleasurable.

But I now know; to sit still, find a peace, hold my soul pieces with gratitude and the bad weather will pass.

Eventually.

Alex.

Enjoy this instant and find some grace.

Cause they are plenty; now.