How do I feel? What do I want? What will unfold?

Blank on blank on blank.

Here I find myself, again.

At the juncture of life progressions, because my reality presented difficult and unforeseen situations; since things have changed and feelings have shifted.

Kinda sad… yup that’s true.

It’s complicated but I’m no coward.

What’s my next move?

Unsure of where to go, uncertain of where I belong, confused of my heart’s desires; I feel like a mess.

Life doesn’t come with a guideline manual or an instruction booklet.

What to do, where to go and when.

Nah.

Not for you, not for me.

I guess in some way; we learn to build our own.

Or in some cases, when people don’t; they follow outside influences, groups or beliefs.

 

Personally, I can only follow my own rhythm; I’ve always been like that.

Me myself and I; be feeling clouded.

And it’s been a minute.

I haven’t moved much, just handling daily routines and navigating life tumbles. I’m laying low. It’s dim.

I need light to move ahead. I can’t stay in the dark forever.

I want to manifest and grow enlightened.

But here I am.

Crossroad/decision/momentum/ultimatum.

Somewhere between the broken pieces of my marriage, my urgent relocation, my single parent life; laying on my crushed feelings and disappointments.

Just mindlessly living.

I know this position is a common experience for everyone at some point of time.

Girl, come on!

What’s the next play, Alexa?

 

To weigh and anticipate the effets and consequences; I could compose a list presenting the benefits and negatives of the possible decisions.

Right.

Although on any given day; I place a particular effect on the pro list.

Cool.

The next day clearly; it seems more like a negative.

Wait.

I guess I need to pray.

Everything seems so unclear and my heart is quiet.

Usually when I find no big rationale; my heart guides the path.

I’m lost.

How can three millimeters become three thousand miles? 

How can my heart build barricades while my body needs loving comfort? 

I can’t give up on my complex world; it’s such a marvelous divine one.

 

I cherish every sweet second and cultivate my beautiful memories with gratefulness and love. I hold a resilient demeanor. 

That’s not foreign, it feels nice.

Thank God.

When I self observe; I feel like I’ve been asleep for long.
I should take the reign and master my awareness. I need to focus. I should manifest my purpose.

Ah.

What’s my purpose and where to turn?

I don’t know a clear way or even find a small clue on how my life will develop.

Surrounded by uncertainties; I still recognize that I’m not alone. There’s a divine force.

 

I want to be kind, be present and aligned with God.

That’s what faith is.

It brought me here and kept me going, even when I didn’t know much.

I guess when questions are unanswered and my vision is confused; it’s a distinct indicator for the need to pray.

#backat’it

Hence, I wonder why had I stopped?